Last Friday as we went to our Waldorf bridge group many parents (including myself) wondered . . . in situations of natural disasters how much should we tell our young ones and how much should we tell them if we have family affected by the tragedy?
Friday morning I thought it important personally for me and my daughter to light a candle on my altar together and say a simple and short prayer for those affected. My almost four-year old really got into it and even went to her room and brought a sea shell to add to the altar for the people and animals of Japan . . . I felt that for us in that moment it was important for us to do. I do feel as though it’s important for me as a Priestess Mama to set an example of caring, and doing prayer work for those who need it.
As we discussed this situation in our parents group Friday morning, our facilitator spoke on how they don’t need to know. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that . . . as I thought it over and the week went on and the disasters progressed I began to see more clearly how important this is.
I remember when I was a child I was so terrified of “The End Times”, as we had learned in Sabbath School there would come a time when those who worshiped on the Sabbath (instead of Sunday) would be singled out by a National Sunday Law and we would be forced to flee the cities and go into hiding. When I was in grade school, I found this so very frightening! I remember having dreams about running through the wilderness and so I had a bag packed under my bed in case we had to flee at night. I didn’t want to wear glasses because I was afraid in an emergency I might lose or break them and then I’d be lost since I wouldn’t be able to see.
Things happen we can’t deny that, but there is no need to worry the children over it. There will be plenty of time for them to have to deal with these things when they are older . . . I believe it’s my job as a parent to give her a childhood free from undo worry and anxiety. Childhood is short enough and there will always be a time to face challenges as they grow older and grow into being able to handle those things.
Children’s emotions are so intense, it’s my opinion that we should allow them time to learn about their emotions and their selves long before we introduce them to any additional stresses on that front. They are not ready yet. It doesn’t do them any good or us any good to tell them all.
I must confess that I felt angry that when people came to visit our home this past weekend everyone was speaking about how many people had been found dead so far, or about their fears of nuclear meltdown and it hitting the west coast where we live all in front of young children.
As adults we must strive to find a proper place and time to discuss our fears, concerns etc without alarming our young. We must allow them the peace and freedom that comes with childhood, it doesn’t last very long as we all know now . . . this is a huge gift that we can give to our future generation to ensure that when they grow older they will look back and thank us for giving them that time to just be. In this way I believe they will feel better able and more ready & willing to move into the “adult” phases of their lives.
If your child asks you a question give them a very simple and short answer, you don’t need to lie.
Try to keep your routines as “normal” as possible, this provides so much comfort to children.
If you must say something, keep your voice calm.
Hi Marlha, I found your article interesting and very well written.It rang bells of familiarity. Actually I think this is an age old parental question. I wanted to point out the difference between fiction (beliefs) and fact (earthquakes). We’ve been frightening our children into behavior based on religious beliefs for a long time.(I had hell and the devil) but I did find your experience quite unique. Did they tell you that you would be hiding w/the Jews on a national Sunday law since they also worship on the Sabbath?
Anyway, I don’t agree with keeping children ignorant of facts. This is an opportunity for a geography/seismology lesson not to mention neuclear fission. Its all about age appropriate presentation.
There is no reason to assume this will cause worry or anxiety, those are feelings children “pick up” from adults whether they know why or not. As a parent, I think its important that your children feel safe and protected in their home, regardless of what is going on in the world. As adults, we have forgotton our “magical thinking” that children have, and we tend to project our thinking/feelings onto them. Remember when you were immortal? You’re right, childhood doesn’t last long at all, but it is a very long time for them. If only we could protect them from all the “bad news” and give them a peaceful and carefree childhood (don’t expect their thanks).
Then there is the “death” issue.Very young children cannot grasp the concept of death. And that may be a topic for another article at another time. I don’t know what got into me, I started writing and couln’t stop!
You are absolutely right Gloria. Thank you for posting that